Diary

SATURDAY 11 FEBRUARY 2023

I’ve always liked drawing/ sketching and loved Art lessons at school. I never felt like I was very good at it though. Certainly there were kids in my class that could draw better than me. I used to wonder what it was that made some people great at drawing and others not. It couldn’t be a physical difference; most of us can move a pencil on a piece of paper, most of us can see or feel the marks we make. How come, out of two people with identical physical attributes, one can be great at drawing, the other not?

Is it a difference in hand/eye coordination that makes the difference? Is it variances in imaginative ability? Is it that one person has practised their skills more than the other? Even if all of these factors are matched there seems to be a thing where some people can draw and some can’t. Like any other skill, we might say that some people just have a talent for it, the same as some people are naturally good at Maths or dancing or football or whatever. Maybe certain parts of certain brains are more developed than the equivalent part of other brains.

To me, it’s to do with thinking in a particular way. I felt like I was a not that good drawer for years and years until I decided to think differently about it. Instead of trying to do a good sketch I started thinking about how I felt when I sketched. In a way, I stopped sketching the object and started sketching my feelings about the object. So in practical terms, I stopped carefully tracking my pencil over the paper trying to get exactly the right line, constantly glancing at the object to make sure I was doing it right. Instead I started only looking at the object a couple of times and then trying to ‘feel’ it; feel its shape, the space it occupies, the forms under its surface, its movement, its character and, most importantly, what I feel about it.

I did these couple of sketches of birds yesterday, from photographs. At one time I would have used that ultra-careful, almost fearful approach, trying to get a perfect replica of the photo. Now, though I first see the 3D shapes beneath the surface of the birds, a feel of whether they’re moving or at rest, of whether they’re enjoying a rest on a branch or whether they’re desperately scavenging for food. I feel the feelings of the thing I’m drawing even (I know it sounds mad) inanimate objects. Even a vase or an apple or a flower or a table can be alive in your perception of it. At the same time, I let the pencil move about freely on the paper, almost like it’s a needle on a record, feeling for the shapes in the vinyl. The shape of the object then starts to emerge. I imagine it’s similar to how a sculptor feels as they chip away at stone, almost like you’re excavating something that’s already there.

I feel that my drawing is much better when I use this approach. If ever I slip back into trying to do a perfect, careful copy of something it ends up looking flat and lifeless. To me, that’s what makes the difference between someone who can draw and someone who says they can’t.

SUNDAY 11 APRIL 2021

Sheila had a lie-in this morning because someone left the airing cupboard door open so the cat gained entry to the forbidden zone of lovely warmth and soft towels where she slept in ecstasy all night. Normally Sheila wakes us up whining and whingeing for food every morning but today she was stretched out on top of 36 towels in a state of utter relaxation and decadence. She knows she is not allowed in there which makes illicit entry even sweeter. She got kicked out of there very quickly. Then she immediately started the whining thing again.
I’m still recovering from breaking my leg in a skateboard accident on Jan 10. I love to say skateboard accident because it makes me sound cool and active but in reality I was only on the skateboard for 0.7 seconds before doing my elaborate swan dive and snapping both my left tibia and fibula. Had surgery and am now trying to learn to walk again. Yesterday was the first time I’ve felt confident enough to get in the bath without fear of falling or getting stuck. It was bliss!

TUESDAY 30 MARCH 2021

I can’t take many photographs at the moment because I still can’t walk very well after leg surgery. I can hobble around the house on crutches but I’m not confident enough to go outside on them. Except for trips to hospital, I haven’t been out since January 10. Fortunately, no-one else has been able to go out either due to a certain pandemic so I’m not the only one going stir crazy. Any photos I have managed to take have contained a common item; crutches. I have a feeling that every photo I take for the rest of my life will have a pair of crutches in it somewhere. Leaning on the wall, sticking out from under the sofa, poking through a doorway… these things will probably photobomb all photos taken by me from now on. Not sure exactly how I feel about them. They enable me to get around a bit so that’s good. But they’re hard work. They wear me out and they dig in me sometimes and hurt. They fall over every ten seconds and they often lean just out of reach, taunting me. They’re hard and spindly and they’re not quite the right height. I think they might be smirking at me. But I need them so that’s that. I don’t think they need me. Bastards.

SATURDAY 20 JUNE 2020

I’m going to start eating avocados!

https://thebeet.com/eating-an-avocado-early-in-the-day-can-help-you-lose-weight-its-natures-keto/

MONDAY 15 JUNE 2020

Listening to the music of Nicholas Britell in a shed, in a thunderstorm is very acceptable. I literally discovered Britell tonight when I watched Episode 2 Season 1 of Succession (HBO). I liked the program but a big part of why I liked it was the soundtrack. When I looked it up it seems like the composer has a pretty good pedigree including the film Moonlight which I’ve yet to see but which, I seem to remember, won every award ever. I love finding a new person who’s stuff I can gorge on. Plus… I have booze.

THURSDAY 4 JUNE 2020

I had a bad back even before I started doing this. Now I can’t get out of the bath.

TUESDAY 2 JUNE 2020

Oh no! The dreaded re-surfacing has started near where I live. This doubles my commute time! Normally it takes me 4 minutes to get to work, now it takes 8. How will I cope?

MONDAY 1 JUNE 2020

Spent today working from home in a hot shed in the middle of a lockdown and a heatwave.